It has been almost a year since I graduated (Sumablay), and yet I think I’m still not prepared to be thrown in the adult world, the REAL world, where fantasies break and burn.
Everything has been moving so fast that I wasn’t even able to absorb the fact that I already graduated. It was like as fast as ticking off a box from a list. Up to now, there’s still that little voice inside my head regretting that I wasn’t able to graduate Magna cum laude, and wished that I had higher grades in just 6 units or so. However, fortunately, that voice is slowly fading away (I think). But anyway, I have to let that go sooner or later.
<IMAGINE SOME COOL AND DRAMATIC TRANSITIONS HERE. HAHA>
In my whole life, there is this CONSTANT PRESSURE that I feel. For years, I have been searching for the source of this pressure. I’ve looked around, just everywhere, except one place. This pressure is not from the people around me, not from my friends, definitely not from my parents… but FROM MYSELF. It was healthy… until it wasn’t anymore. Who else would pressure me to be greater, other than myself, right? But that’s just not healthy if you don’t give yourself a break.
Given these personal struggles, unexpected, positive things also happened. Looking back, they’re more than what I’ve asked for. I got blessings I thought was IMPOSSIBLE and never even thought of attaining. I was just this small kid from the province wanting to go to his dream high school (never got in because they weren’t accepting students anymore), then wanting to go to UP (wasn’t able to get in the UP campus he desperately wanted, but gladly was able to force his parents to let him go to the 2nd-choice campus despite the financial instability). I am a CERTIFIED RISK TAKER. A person who was REDIRECTED multiple times, accepted those detours, but look where I am now: somewhere I never even thought was possible, BUT BETTER (or BEST kung pwede lang).
I encountered tons of problems every step of the way. Give me a break, please! (and they really broke me. So be careful what you wish for. HAHA!). One example is while applying for the UP College of Medicine. I only had one contact to process everything for me. Even though I think that she’s very busy with acads, I had no other option. Who else will I contact? That’s why I’m really thankful for her and everything she’s done (Thank you soo much, Ate Bea! 😀 ).
There was this time, a day before the deadline, that I had one lacking document, a photocopy of the application form that I passed to the LO of Region X (take note that I was in Region VI that time, UP Visayas), and I had to pull all the strings (which was only one) just to get that photocopied and sent to UPCM instantly. Even though I know that I’ll get scolded for asking the favor, I accepted and listened to all them, and just kept it all in because who was I to get angry when I was the one who asked the favor. And besides, I really wanted to go to UPCM, so might as well endure all the pain since I’ve already invested soo much. I waited for hours, which felt like days, for the confirmation message that UPCM has already received that document, but the day of the deadline has already passed. The day has ended and was past office hours. And then, POOF!, the unexpected happened. Around 7PM, the courier confirmed that the document was delivered during that day (CURSE YOU COURIER FOR NOT TEXTING ME INSTANTLY. I ALMOST LOST MY MIND waiting because I gave everything for that application and can’t be processed because of 1 lacking document???!!!).
Next problem was financially [which is always. Most of the time, people think that I’m like Bracket A or B, but in reality, I’m really bracket D or E (Bracketing system of UP). Is it because of the color of my skin? The way I dress? What? Pfffft! Sometimes, even I have a hard time convincing my friends that really, I’m not rich you know.]. Who will fund my plane ticket to Manila for my UPCM interview??? Of course that has to be me, because my parents’ minds have already been set for me to study in Xavier University CM (Ateneo de Cagayan). I think I had enough in my bank account? I’m not really sure, but I think I also begged my parents. The last time I’ve been to Manila was when I was 11 years old. That was 10 years ago! And no one will be with me to guide me form the airport to the place where I’ll be staying before the interview (Thanks UBER!). So I booked the cheapest flight, which was midnight, slept (or atleast tried) at NAIA Terminal 3 arrival area on those metal benches (OUCH!), and searched for places near UP Manila which had internet connection and where I can stay (make tambay) the whole day since the check-in time for the place I’ll be staying was 3PM. I picked Starbucks because it was the only place open at 7AM. I stayed there ’til 3PM, and then checked-in. I had to choose the cheapest hotel with airconditioner to be a little comfy before the interview (walang pera pero nag-iinarte pa rin. HAHA!) and that was Tropical Mansion Hotel (a little bit sketchy but pwede na). Then came the interview. I only had a few hours of sleep. I prepared for weekS for that interview, but in the end, I felt defeated. It felt like I prepared just to fail. It didn’t go well based on my assessment.
(I, my stressed face, and LadyMed, a day before the UPCM Interview.)
(The day of the interview. I got to meet my college coursemate and upclass, Nong Patty, with TIFFY UY! my high school classmate, Men2, my high school to UPCM schoolmate, Ate Bea, and fellow interviewees.)
Fastforward……… results of accepted applicants was released. I GOT IN! Say what??? It was a shock getting in the UP College of Medicine, because my interview was really bad that I didn’t hope anymore that I’ll pass. Tiffy Uy was a good luck charm! (HAHA!) and I guess they saw the potential in me that even I don’t always see.
Then came the next problem. I already passed West Visayas State University College of Medicine (a great state U in Iloilo) that time, which has cheaper tuition and cost of living compared to UPCM, and that was one of the motivations of my parents for me to study there. WHO WOULD BE CRAZY ENOUGH to let UPCM go after all the hard work, sacrifices, and investments I gave just to get in, right? OF COURSE I’M CRAZY ENOUGH! CRAZY ENOUGH TO FIGHT FOR ME TO STUDY IN UPCM. I bargained my parents to let me study in UPCM for 2 years, and if I won’t be able to find a scholarship by then, I’ll gladly stop and follow whatever they wanted with my head held down. RISK TAKER, right?
So this is the last problem. Just hang in there, last na ‘to promise! I applied for the MD-PhD program, the scholarship and allowance being one of the main motivators in doing so. Financial problem again! I need to go to UP Manila for the interview. This time, I got a ticket, not by plane, but by ship.
I’ve never tried doing so ALONE, and definitely don’t know how. How much more traveling SOLO by ship to Manila??? Who is courageous enough to do so? Uhhm, not really me, but I did so because I needed to. That’s how desperate and persistent I was. I really wanted the program and the scholarship, so I did everything, even though it may be scary, just to get it. I HAD TO TRY. But let’s skip the ride part. I was able to reach UP Manila in one piece!!! Another RISK TAKING moment for me. Because my family doesn’t own a credit card, I wasn’t able to get a reservation of the place where I’ll be staying (Tambayan Capsule Hostel). So I was just there, hoping that there would be a vacant capsule by the time I check-in. And guess what, there was! Thank God! ‘cuz I didn’t have a back-up plan or else I would definitely stay at 7-eleven (HAHA).
The interview was so quick. Mine was the shortest, 15 minutes. And because of that, I thought that maybe they’re just not interested in me. They’re accepting only 10 applicants per year???!!! and would this kid from a very far, small town be special and great enough for them?
Two months have passed since the MD-PhD interview, and we were already in UPM preparing for LU3. My mindset was fixed that I’ll be entering LU3, wear this cute white uniform (it’s been 4 years since I wore a uniform), and struggle with other 180 people. Then a day before the orientation program, I received an email saying that I GOT IN THE MD-PHD PROGRAM! Instead of being happy, I GOT SCARED. You know, I really prayed for this, but now I’m feeling like kinda backing out. WHAT’s WRONG WITH ME???!!! I wan’t able to sleep that night because we were only given overnight to accept or reject the offer. In the end, I told myself, “If your dream isn’t scary, then it isn’t big enough.”
A whole year has passed since then, full of ups and downs, stress, sleepless nights, coffee, a couple drops of tears, a few mini-breakdowns, and I’m still in ONE PIECE, with sanity still intact (or so I believe. HAHA).
Thank you for everyone who believed in me even when I don’t believe in my self, for pushing me, not down, but towards my goal, for being my source of confidence because I really lack some, and generally, for all the support in all aspects of life.
After reading my story, I hope you will be inspired to do the best you can, grab all the opportunities in front of you, and sometimes take risks. Things may not go your way, but things do happen for a reason. You may not know the reason at the moment, but you’ll eventually do. Fight those setbacks, go back on track, enjoy the detour, because If you really want something, you do everything you can to get it and never give up until you do so.